yesterday:
cup of low cal (61kcal) veg soup
1 special k bar
1 apple

today:
1 slice pizza
1 bag popcorn


so yeah i've been fighting with myself lately, debating whether or not i have an eating disorder, but i suppose it's not really a disorder if i'm aware of it, especially because i'm in control of it. although i feel guilty and ashamed when i eat like "wtf did u eat that for loser" "ur so weak" things like that,
and i'm weighing myself twice a day too. but i dunno, i've gone off food, i'm getting some sort of weird pleasure from my headaches and sick/sore stomach and i only eat when i'm dizzy. but is this a disorder? i dont really think so, because surely i'd be hiding it from people if it was? in reality i can easily talk about my dislike of food to some of my friends, although i hide it from my parents, but thats just because of my ma being ana when she was younger, but i don't think i have it i me to be ana because i wouldn't have the willpower, plus i have a weak heart so i cant force myself to exercise or i'll pass out, but i just don't want to eat. well maybe thats what i'm telling myself anyway. god i dont know, and i'm not bulimic anyway, i've only made myself sick once after eating chinese food, although it felt good. ah im talking bollocks. i miss mark.